Random Musings

Rebel without a cause

2011-09-01T07:09:00.000-07:00

I reason, I shout, I fume, I fret and fall in line,
I rest, I think, I reason… for a change with self and console and decide its fine,
I curse, I hate, with Passion and fervor very few have known and shown,
I try to change. I have no power to change, I change and feel let down,
Cycle repeats, but after a brief pause,
I do nothing as ever, ‘cos I am a rebel, a rebel without cause.

You

2011-07-26T09:50:00.000-07:00

Said, unsaid,
Undid, did,
Left a mark indelible.

Pain that is sweet,
Debris that is neat.

I loved to love, and now live to hate,
Curse you and resign to fate.

You are not a wound that time would heal,
You are me, happy and unleashed.
With words that never found a voice,
I did move on, left with no choice.

US chronicles -1

2011-01-18T01:33:00.000-08:00

The trip that started on a cold Saturday should have sent me some signal in natures own way that was unfathomable to me. Pops and Babai came to see me off. After about 3 hours at terminal at RGIA, I proceeded onto the flight. But for some cold food and pathetic journey, landed at the Terminal 5 of Heathrow. It is a busy and big airport. After a wait of about 5 hours, got onto another flight a smaller one in size and a bigger one in its problems. British Airways sucks. After an uneventful 8 hours, landed at the Philadelphia international. With doubts in my mind, i proceeded towards to the imigration counter. I had heard some heart warming stories of people that were deported and were grilled for further interviews etc. But, nothing such happened with me.

Two simple questions and I was in. Jetlag is now the next bigger threat. Househunting ended in ten minutes after it started. I moved in about 1 hour from then. Food, a little sleep and then Jetlag. I slept like a log yesterday and am back to sleeplessness now.

A visit to a mall and then of all places, a temple rounded up my Martin Luther King Jr. day. Oh yeah, I forgot to add that I woke up at 12:30 in the afternoon after about 10 hours of sleep. I am yet to start on my normal routine yet. Let us see how it shapes up. Wilmington is a small place with nothing much to do. Need to see how I cope with the life here. Good luck to me.

Nonsense!

2010-10-23T19:47:00.000-07:00

You had thought, you would post something on your blog that evening. Evening goes by in doing mundane things. You would decide to write something later that morning. You wake up late and the activity gets postponed to evening. The routine goes on and by the time you realise that it has been more than a year since you last posted something on your blog, you would missed out on making a note of a thousand different things that you had wanted to chronicle. It could have had a hundred different poems and stories you wanted to write. It could have had the reviews of several movies you wanted all your friends to see. It could have had those numerous discussions and events that you shared and cherished with friends. The list could have had almost everything between the sun and earth.

On a personal front, you had a wonderful opportunity to jot down all those learnings and see your transformation at a later stage in life. Getting to think of it, why do you blog? Is is to show the world that you could write? Is it to sare with the world all the nonsense that goes on in your head? What is the reason behind blogging? You curb the urge to use the cuss words to sound cool. But, what is the whole point? Nothing as usual.

My First story

2008-08-29T02:04:00.000-07:00

Sir, Passport please. The voice of the immigration officer jolted me back into the present.
I was feeling numb. Believing that your brain could be blank at any point of time was difficult earlier. But not anymore. It has been devoid of any thoughts for the past 2 months. I made my way into the flight supposed to fly me to a distant shore far enough from her. My thoughts raced back to the D-day.

December 29th 2008. Monday
The day would forever be etched in my memory. The day she rejected me and the day she said, I was not worthy enough. I had heard her reject me several times before. But this time it was different. I had convinced myself that this has to be the last time I am trying to win her. I can’t forever be trying to woo her.

Was thinking about how it all started…!!

Thoughts came, racing back to me. I was searching for a clean pair of socks to head for cricket practice, when I heard Pavan, my senior at college talk about this girl. He was telling a group of his friends, how a lot of people he knew tried to woo her and failed miserably. The list seemed to be full of the who’s who of my college.

I tried barging into the discussion telling him, no girl is unachievable. But being the dumb head he was, he did not listen to me. I thought wait till the day I, the Einstein Jr. show you my magic. No Girl is as unachievable as she seems. It’s just pure chemistry buddy, I boasted.

How was I to know that, I had selected the wrong role model to start with? Einstein was no Casanova. I forgot the incident pretty conveniently.

But she was destined to come into my life. This time it was a girl from my class who was relentlessly talking about her. She was telling us how her brother tried and is currently shattered by her rejection. Every one at her home was worried about how he would cope with the dejection.

The word unachievable was still ringing in my ears. I am from the achievers club and unattainable always aroused in me a desire to prove people wrong. Me being me, I was curious to find more about her. I talked to friends and gathered a lot of details about her. I started working towards my goal.
One morning our paths crossed for the first time. The college library was where I first met her. I said hi to her. She did not bother to reply. My male ego was hurt and I left the place fuming and vowing never to see her again in life. But destiny had its own plans in store for me.

Library was destined to be the most important place in my life and Pavan one of the most influential persons. Now when I recollect, it was this association that altered my path forever.
It was 2 weeks after our initial tiff and the location, college library.

She was with Pavan and I tried avoiding meeting them. But, Pavan called after me and I had to go say Hi.

Pavan went ahead with the introductions. Pleasantries were exchanged.
Hi she said and I replied with a curt Hi.

I kept talking to Pavan, who was trying to get her into the conversation. After a futile attempt at avoiding her..

“Did you feel bad the other day”, she asked?

“Why should I?”, I replied

“Friends??” Out of the blue she asked. Left with no better reason to say otherwise, I said yes.

The day I still remember was 30th December 2003, Tuesday.

This association surged ahead. In no time, I was completely enchanted by her. Thoughts about her drowned me in mire. Rest of the life took a back seat. It was she, she and she in my life. It was time for my exams. I had to pass the exams at any cost to be with her the next year. So, it was time for some serious study.

The night outs and those one day battings came to an end and the thought of staying without her for 2 months during the summer vacations bothered me. I wanted to spend the quality of my summer vacations with her. So, I requested my father to send me to join a crash course in Hyderabad. Little did he know of my devious intentions? My father relented. My sojourn in Hyderabad started.

Hyderabad.. One of her favorite cities. Most of her old friends stayed there.

I enjoyed my time with her and got pretty close to her. We spent a lot of tome together. I spoke to her about my ambitions in detail. I did not understand why she was so unattainable as projected.
Our story continued well after I came back.

The first time I proposed to her was on 21st November 2004. She listened to me but gave no response. I was scared shitless after I proposed. Finally some time passed by and I was still scared. I saw all possible dreams of her refusing me. But in one corner of my mind, I still had some hope. But all my fears turned true. When I repeatedly asked her, she said “can’t we stay friends for some more time?”. I had no answer. But I was not ready to take no.

The association continued. I got a job and joined a MNC with a good package. But, life did not seem very bright to me. Reason, I still had not got her. We kept in touch though. I still spent time with her. Time passed by and it was almost an year she had last said no.

I gathered courage and proposed. This time the response was positive and I was about to jump when she added, I am sure, you are one of the best guys I have come across and I would be happy if I say yes, but, I am not sure yet.

I was dumbfounded. I did almost cry. But, the fighter in me said, don’t give up. I took the rejection in my stride. Our friendship continued. Little did she say an outright no.

Time passed by and I gathered enough strength to say the dreaded three words to her. My manager at work called me and told me that I had to travel to Germany to night on a short term assignment. I had no choice and I travelled to night. I did not even get to say bye to her. My moods varied from time to time. One moment, I was this confident self and the second moment I was dead scared. I prayed night and day..Lord help me.. I had lost the chance to propose.

The assignment came to an end and with it my hopes of getting a yes from her. I came back. We did not lose touch. The association continued. By this time, all my family was aware of her existence. My father repeatedly kept on asking about her. He had a very good opinion and was satisfied with my choice. He went to the extent of saying this was the first sensible decision I had ever taken in the 23 years of my existence.

The association grew stronger. My confidence of getting her to say yes dwindled over time. But I did not let her off. In one corner of my mind, she was still there. My position in office grew stronger. With it, the number of opportunities also went up.

I frequently went on trips. Went to Spain, Austria, Brussels. Stayed in Germany. We lost touch frequently. But all the while she was a constant at one enclosed part of my mind.

I returned in Jan2008 and decided to stay back for good. There was only one goal now and it was her. Took a great deal of resistance to make my manager not send me back onsite. But, all this was nothing compared to the trade off…her. The truth was told and manager who was my well wisher finally gave her nod.

With the help of a couple of close confederates, sketched a plan to win her. She was happy that I came back and I was happy to be with her.

November 16th 2008, Sunday

One more of those fateful days which you would never want to remember but still would never leave your memory.

Got up early. Got dressed. Prayed to god..Lord, please please please…this is one gift I need badly. Grant me it and you would never see my face again. God was surprised to receive this request from one of his biggest non believers. He had his chance now and he paid back.

Met her at 10:00 AM and did the inevitable. I proposed. I tried convincing her with all my logic and hold on the vocabulary. She threw at me questions I was never prepared for. But, I put up a brave face.

I was sure the whole incident was a disaster. But she left the place without a word later. I waited for her response. With time, my hopes grew. She later sent an SMS saying she would give her answer on next Monday.

December 29th 2008. Monday

6:00 AM – Father called me and reminded me that this was the day. The wait started. I was waiting for her mail.

8:00 AM – No trace of her mail.

12:00 AM – One of my friends called me to enquire. But I was still waiting. Suddenly, the fateful email arrived. That was the last, my mates at office saw me. I walked dejected. I was not sure where I was heading to

11:00PM – Tankbund – 2 policemen came my way. Eyed me suspiciously for some time. But poor guys they don’t know I am afraid to take any drastic steps. They continued watching me with suspicion.
But I was not in a position to pay any attention to them. I was lost. My mind was blank. Future was bleak. As with the most, even I tried getting over her.

Next day at office, most of my colleagues had heard of the news. They tried consoling me. My PM called me. She asked me what I was going to do now. What would I reply.

I was not prepared for this eventuality. She suggested, I find some opportunity which would help me in my career and also take me to a far off shore.

She suggested one such opportunity and I had no reason to say no.
2 months had passed. I acted very normal. My parents, friends, colleagues were worried about me. But, I started on that journey.

March 1st 2009, Sunday
Newark International Airport
Ironically it was Pavan who came to take me home. He was surprised at my state. He asked me for reasons. I was in no mood to chat. Discussion went back to college days and finally came to her. I could not hold back anymore. All the reasons came out.

Pavan smiled. It was an “I said so” smile. Then we retired for the day. But while going to hit the sack, he said, “Buddy, I know some one who you would like to meet”. I asked him who?

“Good night”, he said and I was left with thoughts. Owing to jet lag was not able to sleep much. But, the next morning Pavan introduced me to the new girl on the block.

“Princeton review – GMAT”, the new book on the table said and Pavan followed saying, she is lot more achievable than her sister, CAT. Your work experience would definitely help you in impressing her.

I found a new love and we started our trails to woo her ;)

On selfdabba.com

2007-12-24T01:58:00.000-08:00

Selfdabba.com is an initiative by the K himself to buy a new domain and start to blog as group. So initially K and myself had started to blog there.... But as fate has its way, am back here again because the account has been terminated with no intimation to K. So, just to fill the place here and increase the number of my posts, I am posting the two posts that I had earlier posted on selfdabba... The first post was the real self dabba by me... I have changed a couple of things here and there...but the rest of it is a copy paste from the prev post. Here I go...

Finally I find some time to just think about myself and type down a brief introduction about me. I am one of the zillion software engineers habiting the earth currently. I burn my ass staring blankly into a screen that shows me a lot that I don’t understand. But, as I am expected to solve a lot of things, I with the help of my most trusted companion Google try doing things. If you ask me if all this effort is worth the pain, you have fired a query to my mind’s processor that is gonna end in an infinite loop without an output.

After a word about the present, let me go down the memory lane just for a moment. This journey down into the origin of my existence might answer a couple of your doubts and questions. Being born in a small town in Andhra Pradesh, 25 years back, I have come a long way to be typing this from my office on an early Saturday morning here in Stuttgart, Germany. The school, the friends, the family and the teachers…every one do have a credit for the way I think, I react and the whole of my day to day existence. So, now that I am already thinking about them, why not just give a word of thanks. To all those who shaped me to be what I am, here is my big thanks.

All the confidence(over confidence might be the right word) I have in me is due to the fact that, I had the image of being intelligent and all that... In fact the arrongance I display today has its roots in my childhood. Being a sure shot contender for the quizzes, elocutions, science fairs etc had given me an iconic status in the school and in turn the not needed arrogance....They made me believe that I am a go getter and I can acheive anything in life...which is not entirely true. I am yet to come in terms with my limitations. I had tough time in accepting my faults. But, today I can honestly say that, I can accept my faults and am open to learning things from any one and everyone

My thoughts are quintessentially middle class. I love my friends. I love movies. I love good food. I love reading books. I love the security of home. I love my family and I love the run of the mill stuff :P. I am a bore. I love order. I am not much of the adventurous kinds. I almost hate being out from my routine. But, there are times when I surprise myself. I take the risks when no one really tries to go for them. I love to hold some power. One of my childhood dreams had been to be a doctor. All for being the one to have power over life and defy impending death.

One of the guys in my project, asked me if I am a taurean in our first meeting. So, if somebody could find those traits in first meetings, I might be one really. I am afraid about a lot of things. I have my reservations. I am not very good with people. I speak out at the wrong times and in the wrong tone. I wear my heart on the sleeve. But I am diplomatic to some extent. Over all of this, I try to be practical. But being the perfectionist I am, I tend to be more so. I have been accused of being heart less a lot of times before. But, cant help it... I am so... I have a lot of faith in my mind rather than the heart. But, I think a lot before making some decissions..to the point of making people think that I am fickle minded.

After reading Karteek’s post, I thought why not ask a couple of friends what they think about me. Me being me did not really expend any more energy on being creative. I love to do a copy paste…be it code or be it an idea. But then, I asked them in person what they think about me.

One guy thinks that “ I am a guy who always watches things from a distance being non committal, always advising what’s wrong, without trying to convince the person to do otherwise. In short he believes that my motto in life is one should learn by one self. The same guy tells me that I am the most obstinate person that he has ever come across and that he always feels that I would be there for him when the need arises. He told me I am pain in …you know where.” not that I understand much of what he said...but still...

One lady thinks that , “ I am rigid in my thought. I am dominating (these attributes being for both me and Karteek) but nonetheless a good friend.”

The other lady thinks that, ” I am one guy who she can turn to for anything without thinking twice. I talk a lot on topics that I like without noticing how well I am being received. She feels I am knowledgeable and practical. I am a no nonsense guy”

Karteek thinks that , “Sumanoj is yet another software guy who loves to do self-dabba. Passion for movies. Criminal intelligence. Innocent looks. Witty nature. Good discipline. Those are the hints I get if I’ve to write anything about him.”

What do I really think about myself? I never think much about. I am lazy. I am disciplined. I am a good friend. I am heavily biased. I am prejudiced. I am rigid. I learn from my mistakes. I live for myself. I do things at my own pace. I am slow in adapting. I love the security of my home. I enjoy arguing. I do boast a lot. I am technically weak. I most of the time am at extremes. I tend to be emotional at times. I take things personally when there is no reason to be personal. I have a hot temper.

Would keep adding more when I can think of. Would request all of you guys who know me to keep updating the list (the whole of the comments section is dedicated for you).

Look What am I posting on my Infy blog -2

2007-09-04T23:01:00.000-07:00

11:05 am - Blabber bites/Bytes :-)There is a lot that needs to be penned..err..typed...First and foremost...RGV ka AAG/Aggi...Man that was an awesome picture..It is certainly one of the best movies I have watched off late[;P]...It proves me correct again...Ramu is obsessed with self and he is headed into an oblivion...Sooner or later am gonna get out an ad for the obituary of a now extinct entity called RGV's creative mind...The movie, termed to be a homage to an yester years classic called Sholay stops no less than being a sacrilege commited in the name of reverence. The real culprits being RGV and the MD Amit Mohile...The loud and ear barring BGM is more for people with impaired hearing...You end up getting a head ache

I first fell in love with RGV's movies when I was about a 7-8 year KID. Shiva with all of its new wave techniques and an excellent screenplay and power packed performances from Nag and Raghuvaran coupled with breath taking cinematography of S.Gopala reddy had me going mad over one engineer from Vijayawada and his movies...Kshana Kshanam with its great plot and style of narration coupled with Keeravani's music made me a film buff...You migh not believe if I say, there was a time when all that I wanted to do is get into films. I attribute this to RGV partially...The movie Gayam where the two geniuses RGV and Mani worked together for the first time taught me a couple of things about the screenplay, motages and the effect a great BGM has...Never thought Jagapathi babu could emote and can give such an effective performance...Though many of his movies or rather scenes in many movies are heavily inspired by the God Father had something new to offer...Be it a spoof, be it a comedy or be it a gangster movie, every RGV film had something or the other to offer...All these films had some points in common...Technical brilliance, tight, rather interesting and immersing screenplay and a zeal to experiment...RGV was a humble being surrounded by a lots of talented people who had a common point binding them together..passion for the cinema...Then Cinema was the ultimate motive and no single person was greater than that....

But down the line, the movies started being a bit pretentious. Some loose talk and comparisions with KJo and yashraj started. Mockery, making pun and references to what not...focus shifted gradually...A honest attempt would still be there underneath...but more as a memory to a glorious past rather than being the soul of the film...The factory...Movies taken aside and the passion replaced by the PR strategies... He started feeling that the name RGV would sell the film and the basic elements and plot just took a backseat...RGV got obsessed with tecnicality to a point where he forgot the art of story telling. There were some parts in the movies that followed that remind us of Vintage RGV...The total hospital scene in Sarkar and the scenes that follow KK's death...The end of razaq etc...Sriram Raghavan, Anurag Kashyap, Shimit started moving out. This might have nothing to do...but now the factory is more of the RGV of PR..The RGV of Marketing. People started talking about the statements and interviews rather than movies...

RGV please comeback to Hyderabad...Just start a video library just like the good old days...Just do a simple introspection of the movies that came out of your stable...Take a break and strike back...We want the RGV that inspired kids like me to develop a strong liking for movies... I want not to be a spectator for a genius in downfall but be a spectator for some revival..just like the phoenix from the ashes... It just takes you a moment to agree that the content that is coming out of you is more crap and bulsshit... A moment more to bring out the movie maker in you...Bury the factory mentality...

Now that I have ranted a lot about the debacle called Aag...wait did I? Yes all that was put in there is exactly what AAG does not have...no power packed performaces...no plot...no BGM...no soul on the whole...A review of AAG you might ask...I would say only onething...Reviews are given for movies and not for a snapshot of the movie...the 2.5 hours of torture does throw a couple of moments with all the performances and stuff which still remind us of the talent that has gone wayward...In short to summarise...AAG is a production of the Vizag unit of the Factory...(Vizag has one of the biggest mental Asylums in AP)...

Enough of movies... Read this book Shantaram recently...Man that is a very good book...Much similar to Pappilon...but still better... Try laying hands on it bookophiles...you will not regret...Books...Movies...what next??

Music...The latest albums am hearing to are Happy days, Hello - premistara, Chandamama and Chirutha... Happy days from Shekar kammula and Micky J. Meyer has some really good music and micky shows that he is one of the hopes for the next gen Tollywood music...but it would be too soon to comment...All the three films he has composed the music are the youth films...His next venture should tell us how diversified is his tune bank... Chakri surprises me with his new album Hello-Premistara...this has some pretty good numbers... I would recommend this...KM Radhakrishnan has given some pretty good tunes to Krishna Vamsi's next venture Chandamama... Chirutha has some okay numbers..they would sink well after we watch the video...Some foot tapping numbers... Eagerly waiting for All the 4 movies... Am sure that Shekar is gonna rock for the fourth consecutive time... KV..Man all the best..We want to see you back in your prime with this movie...

Lots happening in life...Not all of that is clear...I am now at a junction from where I have several different ways to take...Am confused about the right path...Till the next time...Cheers,Suman...

Look What am I posting on my Infy blog -1

2007-09-04T23:00:00.001-07:00

05:21 pm - Random thoughts

There is this thought that has haunted me since long. The violence in life and the world...where are its roots? Insecurity? about what? The root cause is definitely Insecurity..how do I justify that statement I made? Hmm..thinking... Don't think can give a satisfactory reasoning or logic...

I tend to just form my opinions just like that...when I go back and brood over, I never ever get a satisfactory reasoning on why I have formed a certain opinion...May be my intution plays a big part here...

Whats intution? Is it just not a perception towards life and everything that you form over the years? All through your process of life? Did I say process? Why is life a process? Should it not have been an experience?

Am I living someones dream? I always feel that my actions are just the way I am enacting in some dream of someone. Yes, life is better off as a dream rather than a reality..that would make all the events that I witness just some play. Not everything that makes me feel bad is a truth then..But world does not move the way I want it to..All I can do is hope that it is a dream while it is the truth and I have to face it every morning I get up...

I sound a loser and yes I may be one..I am not ready to take the life headon...Am I lazy? Am I plain indifferent to all thats happening around me? Hmm.. wait ...why am I thinking about this at all???let me get back to my slumber and dream while the world and life moves on..

Touring Chronicles-3

2007-01-03T02:43:00.000-08:00

But before all this, I forgot to mention about the stupid advice from Raghu. Did I? He advised me not to bother about getting a good jacket as Spain would be not so cold. So being the fool I am I started out on the journey with a couple of thermals, a sweater and a jerkin. I felt the stark contrast once I landed on the german shores. Cold winds hit me upon my face and I started shivering. It was like in an old refrigerator ad I had seen. I don’t know how many of you would be familiar with that. A set of artificial teeth put aside start I don’t know the right word…so will use the word shiver again…I know it is not the right word and would be grateful if somebody of you let me know…every time the door to the refrigerator is opened.

And after that went to the office straight from the airport. Met a lot of colleagues, I knew back in India and a lot of colleagues, I only know from the communication over phone and mails. As it was the first day and I was not supposed to work from Stuttgart, my PC was not configured in Stuttgart. To tell the truth it is still not configured to date. So, had no work except for the time, I worked on Ruchit’s lappie. It was a day after the system copy. So, I did a couple of post system copy activities on Ruchit’s lappie. Had no chance to check my mails. Why mention checking mails here. Is it so important? You will learn shortly.

Was not at all feeling hungry. But managed to have a bite of something called croceone or something like that. Should ask Ruchit to spell it next time around. The flight to Madrid was in the evening at 4:45 and we started of to the airport at around 3:45. Said bye to a couple of people. Before all this, KC called me to his chamber and gave me a few words of wisdom and instructed me on how to behave and how to draft mails and how to be careful etc. That was pretty informative and as people say, I came of my age that day(wink).

We started out( Me, Ruchit and Kesari) on our Journey to the airport and Madrid subsequently. Kesari anna was there in Madrid to attend some meeting with the client on workflows. We landed and parted ways as Kesari was staying in a different hotel. Checked in and got ready in sometime and called up Kesari anna and decided to meet at Diversia in Alcobendas. Went there and had food at an Italian restaurant. But my tryst with cold started again. So it was decided to get me a brand new thermal wear the next day.

Went to the office on Wednesday after roaming around for almost 45 minutes. Roaming, but why? The story is in here. We came down to the reception and asked her to arrange a cab for the location whose address we showed her. After seeing that she told us that the place is quite near by and we could walk. She even pulled out a map for us and gave a photo copy for our assistance. So, following the map, we asusual pursued a wrong path and started roaming around before we asked somebody for the directions. He helped us out to the correct street but unfortunately, we roamed around in the street for almost half an hour before we found the correct building. Now comes the funniest part. We found the building but not an entrance. So spent almost 10 minutes in finding the path before somebody had a chance to help us out.

Touring Chronicles -2

2006-12-30T00:21:00.000-08:00

To continue from where I left…I headed towards the terminal A18 to catch my connecting flight to Stuttgart. After taking directions from a good number of people, I found my self running to make it to the terminal before my flight leaves. I some how made it there panting and puffing just to learn that the terminal has been changed and now I had go to A23 which is a bit at the further end. I had a good amount of physical exercise. I ran for almost about 2.5 km to 3km nonstop. This was my first taste of an international…oops sorry truly international airport.

So finally after all this was again welcomed by the cold German climate. German climate could come out very harsh upon somebody like me who never had to step out of the comforting southern India’s tropical climate. This was my first taste of cold climates. Thank god, I am not a part of Russian rollout or a Siberian rollout. I would have definitely died of the cold. After all this the true fun was the flight. This was an early morning flight and I had a pretty good chance of seeing out of the window. But this time it was just a 20 minute flight. It was more like a take off and landing for a test. But the feel itself is no less. The flight though not an international one, was more comfortable than my previous. It had a fair amount of leg space unlike my previous one.

But the best part of the flight was my first aerial view of Europe. Can’t say it is a love at first sight, it was even before that. Europe has a breath taking landscape. I decided, this was the place I will settle down and lead the rest of my life. How was I to know then that I was going to change that pretty soon? Landed out in the Stuttgart air port. Was really fascinated to see, the Daimler Chrysler Aviation hangar in the air port. Later I learned that DC was into aviation before. A sense of pride came in involuntarily. This was a dream come true. I always wanted to work for a company like DC. Though I am not directly working for them, in some indirect way or the other I am with them. So, one mission accomplished. A sense of satisfaction followed by some other feeling. What was it? My first sense of loneliness? May be…

Tried collecting my luggage at the baggage collection point and at the same time was looking around as to see if somebody had come to pick me up. KC had already informed me that as it was a working day, he would try to send someone but if I don’t find any one I had to make it to the office directly by hiring a taxi. After some 5 to 10 minutes of search, I was able to make out a familiar face. Mannu bhai was standing there and was waving his hand. Thank god and thank KC and thanks mommy. I felt relieved. Later I learned that Mannu bhai was here just by a chance. His flight to Amsterdam had got cancelled for some reason and he waited for some more time to pick me up as he knew I was coming. Thanks to Mannu bhai for that. So, reached office with nothing eventful. Had my first taste of an European Merc taxi ride. That was only my second time in a Merc and my first in a Merc taxi….

Touring Chronicles - Part-1

2006-12-23T03:30:00.000-08:00

The 18th of December goes down as one of the most eventful days in my life. Eventful because I got a German business visa that was long evading me. Eventful because I was asked to travel to Spain via Germany at a short notice of 7 hours. Yeah, I do agree that I was preparing for this for more than about a week but 7 hours is very very less in any case. I had to run around collecting my Visa, collecting my travel tickets, collecting my Forex and every damn thing that is needed. Also had to inform my friends and family about this. Called up a couple of close confidantes to inform them the news, but I did not even have time to speak at length with my family members. Granpa and ma were right here in Hyderabad or else would have faced even more troubles.

Before all this I pleaded with my manager to give me an extra day, so that I could prepare myself better for the trip. So with all the futile efforts and rather a stupid advice from Raghu, I started on a journey to the far off lands with no knowledge of what life had in store for me. Deeps, Budds and Prasad came with me to the airport to see me off. Thanks to these guys, I started off with a smile. Met Kishore a fellow infoscion who was on his way to Philadelphia on the same flight. Got a couple of very valuable insights on travel and a lot of other things from him. Life is a great teacher. It throws avenues for learning at every end and shows larger avenues to pass for the willing. After a long long wait of almost 2 hours, came the call for boarding. Was almost dying for taking a first look as to what an airbus looked like from inside. Went in and was thoroughly disappointed at the way the flight looked like. The business class was good but the economy class was like a zammed up city bus with seats crammed up to fit in as many as possible.

For all they guys who are going to take an international flight for the first time, here goes my two cents. Do not even expect the flight to be comfortable, if you are taking a economy class. Ok…to move further…wait wait…did I mention before that, I was taking a Lufthansa flight? I was really surprised to see more than 90 percent of the people on the flight were parents going to visit their children in the US of A and students flying to the land of opportunities to pursue their higher education. Was questioned by many as to which university in the states was I headed to. Even the immigration officer was a bit surprised when I said that I am not headed to the states and rather was flying for some business meetings with the client. Lufth has become the best partner in taking out people to the far off shores.

Thanks to my stars that shone on me on this particular day…I did not have to share a three seater in the middle and rather was sitting in the two seater. Met Harsha one more fresh out of college engineer on his way to pursue his masters. After the initial jitters pleasantries were exchanged and we started talking. Slept for sometime and just got up to see what had really waken me up at that ungodly hour. The air hostesses were serving food and drink. Had a bite and went back to sleep. After that again woke up. This time got to see an edited version of Krishh…Great to see an edited version….Finally after flying over a lot of places, the flight was about to land in Frankfurt….. To be contd

Things that I fail to see

2006-12-23T03:29:00.000-08:00

Things that I fail to understand
-------------------------------------

I have always wondered why I fail to see a couple of simple things that come to my notice. I can also give you a simple example. I have a friend and as usual I never ever keep my tongue in check. I always felt that people around me are really ok with my behaviour. I always was and always will be a very open person. I never believed in being something that I don’t feel or rather in short being a hypocrite. If I like I say I like it and if I don’t I am the first person to say I don’t. and I believe people around me to be in the same way. But that friend felt otherwise. As I understand now, she was never ever comfortable with me around and It took me an year to understand that. So Mr. Tentative grow up buddy grow up…and thanx sandy in making me see a couple of things….

My day started with waking up in the morning
To the bright sunshine shining upon my face
I am always a game for an innocent teasing
Leaving the day ahead with a happy trace

I expect the world around me
To see things the way I do

One fine day I started on a new phase in life
I started living
I made a couple of friends..or rather so I thought
But never was I to know, they never felt so…

I joked around and moved around in a frenzy
But I understand now, that was a dream.
No body around had ever liked being so
And I was there to end up in a tow

So for all the lives that I made miserable,
I offer my sincere apologies
Please do accept and let me settle the scores.

I am here not to leave any thing bitter behind
And I always believed in being a happy mind
So people to me just be kind
And let me move on in search of innocence I am yet to find

Thanks for being patient guys and gals
And in case our paths cross again
Just let a smile come to your face unforced
And let me leave feeling happy

I am off to live my life on terms I believe
Here I am to just take a leave….

Wise and Otherwise...

2006-11-23T05:50:00.000-08:00

I was just whiling my time away at home reading the book “Wise and Otherwise” by Sudha Murthy. I got to spend my quality time on reading some great literature after long. Thanks to my fever. There are incidents from the author’s life put forth in beautiful language. Questioning your senses, answering long lasting questions that one carries forward in life and most of the times intriguing. Yes, and why did I call a simple book like this a part of great literature? It might be because, I have limited knowledge of literature. It might be because I don’t have a good taste. But I always have believed that any book that stimulates me and keeps me engrossed and at the same time leaves me thinking is a part of great literature.

Let me put forth my few cents on whatever I know about the author. The lady is one with a strong educational base and the first woman employee with the Tata’s on their shop floor. She co-founded Infosys with our chief mentor Mr. Murthy and is one of the richest women in the country now. She is involved with the Infosys foundation from the start go. Infosys foundation is very active in social work and believes in working out against the problems in the society from the grass root level. She is closely involved with driving away the problem of illiteracy prevailing in rural India. The other day at my yahoo 360 hangout, I was supporting the guys to have made life beautiful and simple. I cautiously sidestepped without going into the achievements by the ladies. But today here again I bow before all you ladies … madams you make the life we make simple most livable…yeah you heard me right.. you make life livable…Thanks and hats off to you all…mothers, sisters, friends, grannies, aunts and last but not the least wives…hey wait did I forget something? Yes, the Girl friends…(wink) even you make life livable( rather miserable…The Airtel, Hutch, Idea and all other private telecom operators are laughing away their way to the banks ( double wink))…

Why go on an expedition about Sudha Murthy now?? It is because in one of her anecdotes, she mentions about the need to establish libraries in the villages and she has also made that come true in some villages in Karnataka. I have very sweet memories on libraries from childhood. We had the district children’s library in our school compound..or rather our school was in its premises. Books opened avenues for my growth and got me do things that I would never have thought otherwise…they made me wise…ho ho…guys control…I already see a few of you rolling on the ground…But true…I am wise…Self proclaimed genius rather..

Sandeep, the other day, suggested our school gang to come up with a plan…preliminary sketches for paying back to the society…make us involved in making this place better…I have not been able to give any inputs till date…but buddy, why don’t we take up something on the lines of what Mrs. Murthy had taken up…Why not ctrl+c and ctrl+v that idea…what are we software engineers good at other than doing CC and CV….I still feel that it is not your money but your time that is the most precious thing that you have to offer. I had heard about a group of young guys and gals that are spending their weekends in serving the society… they are spending their weekends at slums…teaching children and making them become better…hats off to you people..You make me still believe in something called humanity…Don’t be surprised if I come to join hands one of these days. Recently, I got to know about one of my seniors from school, prashant who is closely associated with an orphanage in Chennai..They spent their day on the childrens day with children at an orphanage…I am proud of you boss…I will now brag about how I was your mate in all your endeavors at school…now that my friends are carving a niche for themselves.

Hey you might have wondered, what am I doing here??…nothing but bragging about achievements of people who I know or people I am not even remotely connected. But my whole point in doing this is to make at least a few people think about this..If I find atleast one positive response for this, I will be rather happy…K you listening…come let us do something…Please give me a chance to brag about you…not that I do anything less now…I always brag about you being the best with computers, that I have come across…(wink)

Signing off…
Bragging king….

Hiatus ends

2006-11-20T08:05:00.000-08:00

My last post "Long Lost" gave me immense sense of fulfillment that I never felt to write crap again...but somehow a lot of things again caused me to retrace my footsteps back to my original vent...and to say what am I without my crap...??

There are a certain things that I need to mention, before I end up ranting about some crap.
1. One of my very good friends...The K himself landed up in the blog word a week back.
2. He introduced me to the new girl on the block..the Blogger beta. Catch his review here
3. K is flying down to Hyderabad to make his esteem prescence felt almost after an year
4. Enuf with K and this is about one more friend of mine bv(small B, Small V)...He got placed in CTS and is coming to Hyderabad
and last but not the least....
5. The Don is back to blogging with this post.. [;)]

All this while there have been a few thoughts that I actually felt, I should type down...but being the eternal snuff I am, no post ever met my own approval...I had to write about something just for the heck of it...so here comes my 2 cents on DON...

It has the best climax I have ever seen of late...DON ko pakdna mushkil hi nahi..na mumkin hai...aur DON ka marna bhi naa mu,kin hai...The best part is that the guy who is Ruthless, Cunning and a cold blooded murderer, who doesnt flinch while he kills survives...A simpleton like Vijay had no right to be alive over the DON....

Let us end up this rant endlessly here...Just to be back with my post soon...I have to keep posting from now on as I have to keep up with my friends...

Ciao, TC

Long Lost

2006-05-08T23:42:00.001-07:00

I try to write
And spell my thoughts and dreams
Ink flows all through the paper white
And I spill venom around by all means

I try to sleep
And curb the flow of my mind
Memoirs of long lost past make me weep
Its peace with self I am trying to find

I’m long lost
And all the zeal for life is buried
Here I am standing in frost
And I am no more worried

I try to come in terms with reality
And grow out of the rejection
Am not in terms with this brutality
Worry not, I’m no more bothered about this dejection.

Love Story

2006-04-22T22:27:00.000-07:00

This is the much hyped up post. It is the best of all stories I had read of late. I recieved this as a forward and thought of sharing this. If the author happens to see this...Please drope me a mail...

This story contains a few tamil words...but on the whole u would definitely catch the soul of the story....njoi...

To be perfectly honest with you, I don't even remember how and when we met. It's not as unbelievable as it sounds. She was my friend's fiancée’s friend, and we had gone out together as part of the same group on a number of occasions before we actually said a word to one another. I guess we recognized each other's existence, and weren't exactly averse to talking, but just didn't feel like expending the energy to start a conversation, just to get acquainted.
You're probably thinking at this point: No meet cute? Aw, that's a boring way to start a story like this. Well, what can I say? I've led a pretty boring life. It didn't seem that unexciting to me when I was eight years old and bicycling on the same road as a Pallavan bus was an adventure comparable to anything Mark Twain had penned about Tom Sawyer. But then, that was long before I endured four dreary years in an engineering college in the middle of nowhere, and two more in the industry writing Visual C++ code. When the most exciting moment in your life is when you become module leader in a project for some damn toilet papermaking client in mid-western US, you begin to see the whole world in monochrome. So you go out every evening with a bunch of friends who are more or less in the same position as you are and look at everything around you in quiet desperation, hoping that something somewhere will jolt you out of this yuppie stupor you've found yourself in.

I think there's a word for this, something beginning with 'e' -- but for the life of me, I can't remember what it is. It's one of those fashionable French words that people like to pepper their conversations with when they want to sound erudite. Sometimes, you try to escape. The US is one option -- the land of opportunity and all that. There's the dollar salary and the kick you get out of finally being able to buy a copy of Playboy magazine, legally. And you're not alone there, either. They say you can't drive through the Bay Area for ten minutes without bumping into someone you knew back in school or college!

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. After six months on an offshore project, I couldn't wait to get back. Frankly, I didn't see what was so different. My life was just as boring out there as it was here. Or maybe I'm just too easily bored! I was reflecting upon this little existential conundrum when -- don't bother looking up 'existential' in the dictionary. I have no idea what it means either, it just sounded like a nice word to put in, and that’s all. If you already know what it means, drop me a line, willya?

Anyways, I was reflecting upon this little existential conundrum when Raghav told us he was getting married. And I absently replied, "Sure, that's a nice way to beat boredom." Whatever it was he expected me to say, it couldn't have been that. And if I hadn't been in that mood, I don't think I'd have said anything other than "Congratulations! That's wonderful news, machi!" But there it was: Open mouth, insert foot! To my credit, I covered up nicely, grinning broadly after that so he wouldn't take it seriously, then did the usual handshaking and bear hugging. My comment was forgotten by everybody else except myself. Come to think of it, maybe they just wanted not to think about it. (See? I told you I was cynical.)

Anyway, that night I lay thinking about what I had said. I told myself that I had just been a bit of a jerk -- which it happens to everybody one time or the other. Then I started thinking about the real issue. What did marriage mean to me anyway? And love? What of that? As far as marriage went, I knew that my folks would begin looking for a girl in a year's time, and all I had to do was pick someone I liked and who liked me. Objectively speaking, I knew I wouldn't fare too badly on the marriage market -- I didn't have an H1B visa, but could get one anytime I wanted, and a lot of Tam Bram (Tamil Brahmins) families don't seem to look beyond that. I still had at least a year to go before that happened, so I could cross that bridge when I came to it.

At that point, I hadn't made any conscious decision to marry for love. In fact, if anyone had asked me about it, I'd have said, "Oh, please! Who would be so stupid as to fall in love with me?" Which is to say that I secretly wished, it would happen to me, but didn’t rate my chances too highly, and considered this response to be a good way of giving up gracefully and being a wise ass about it at the same time? I wasn't one of those guys who was painfully shy of girls and got all nervous around them. I had a few female friends, mostly from work, and we got along pretty well. Did I ever wonder about a more serious relationship with any of these girls? C'mon, who doesn't? I just never felt impelled to make any serious inroads in that direction. They were great people; good fun to have around, but there was no spark. See what I mean?

Put simply, if I had to choose between spending time with them and spending time with the bunch of guys I usually hung around with, I'd choose the latter. I had known these guys for years, and we had more in common. I wouldn't spend time with a girl just so it would develop into something more. It was that simple. A friend of mine had a nice little phrase for that: No strategic intent! So that night, I thought about all these things, and by the time I dozed off I hadn't had any flash of revelation. In a purely practical sense, that night was like any other night. I merely mention it because it was the night before I met Hema. My first real female friend. More than that, my first real friend.

Hema was Raghav's fiancée. He brought her to the restaurant where we usually have dinner, so he could introduce her to our gang. The first thing she said to me when we met was, "he tells me you're the moodiest guy of the group. Is that true?" I didn't consider myself especially moody, so it was news to me that my friends thought so. I spent the rest of the evening trying to decide whether to live up to my image or to consciously debunk it. She was smart enough to catch it. "It's easier living with a static self-image without having to be burdened with others' impressions of you, isn't it?" I have to admit that line took me completely by surprise. It was a delightful experience, talking to someone who could actually second-guess me like that. I decided not to respond directly.
"Do you always speak like that? Long sentences that look like they've come out of a book written a couple of hundred years ago?"
"Not really. To be frank, it took me some time to compose that sentence."

"It's a good sentence. How did you know I was thinking about what you said?"

"Wild guess”. I didn't believe that, or maybe I just didn't want to.

The conversation ran aground at that point, so after a little pause, I restarted it, asking her about her interests. We talked about all the usual things that people talk about when they get acquainted, exchanged email ids and so on and so forth. Then we went home.

Raghav was the first among us to get hitched, and through him, we all got to know Hema pretty well. We all had our share of female friends, but she was our first real 'buddy'. She was so free of hang-ups that we felt we could talk to her about anything at all. Not like a lot of other girls we knew with whom we had to watch our step all the time. Maybe it was because we got to know her as our friend's fiancée -- we all felt secure in the relationship we shared with her, so it was easier to move forward without worrying too much. Sure, we were initially a bit cautious around her, coz we didn't want to offend her and that sort of thing, but gradually, we opened up. Especially after she gave us a booze party on her birthday, without us asking. I don't drink, but I appreciated the gesture all the same. Each of us achieved a level of comfort with her, and regarded Manni, as we jokingly called her sometimes, as our close confidante. And among us, I think I was closer to her than anyone else, except Raghav. We shared very similar interests, for one thing. Then there was the matter of origin -- we found out early that we both came from the same native village, a place that neither of us had been to more than a couple of times. But most importantly, we both liked to verbalize things that most people would rather just experience -- that was the basis of our bonding. We liked to use long sentences -- we even went through this phase once where we would exchange whole mails, comprising just one long sentence, just for the heck of it.

Of course, if you had asked anyone in our group to write the above paragraph, he would've written at length about what he shared with Hema, and it invariably would've had the line -- "I think I was closest to her." Maybe it was just that we all were a bit overawed by the fact that we had our first really close friend from the opposite sex, and liked to think it was more special than anything else anybody else had ever imagined. But I don't think we felt competitive in this regard. Through her, our group expanded. Once in a while, she would bring one of her friends along, and gradually, her friends became our friends. Ordinarily, we would be a little more reserved around girls, but her presence sort of loosened us up. We became more confident in playing the game, so to speak. Plus, if we screwed up anywhere, she'd tell us later when the girl concerned wasn't around. I even joked about it once saying we should all hang L-boards around our necks. After a point, it became routine.

Our life was the same as before, only it involved more girls. I wasn't looking for love, but I could say I was less averse to it than before. Still, it was a monochrome life. No strategic intent yet. I asked Hema if one was supposed to go looking for it and she just said, "I don't think one is supposed to go looking for something when one doesn't really know what to look for." It made sense, so I left it at that. ~*~this is where my story started, in case you remember. What of that other girl, you ask? The one I started off talking about before I went off on this fishing expedition? Well, I'll tell you. Like I said, I don't remember when or where we met for the first time. It was a face I saw at a few of the parties we attended, and after a point, it became familiar. But for a while, I didn't even know her name, although we had spoken a few words to each other. It's one of my bad habits -- not only do I have a bad memory for names; I don't even take the effort to ask someone what his/her name is. I've carried on numerous conversations with people whose names I don't yet know. I do remember the time I wanted to know her name, though. It was one of those get-togethers we arranged every fortnight or so, usually on Saturday evenings. Dinner, drinks, sometimes a good movie on VCD.

It was at Raghav and Hema's place this time. A bunch of us were discussing the September 11 attacks and how America had it coming for a long time -- I said something like, "what America deserves and what Americans deserve needn't be the same." I went on to argue that most Americans were just normal people like us, going about their everyday lives blissfully ignorant of what was happening in the rest of the world, even if their Government probably spent their tax money fighting or financing wars in somebody else's backyard. "They're ignorant and they're fools, but that's no crime, last I heard," I finished with a flourish. Like most others, I loved the sound of my own voice.

"They elected the Government that spends their tax money in those wars, Ravi." It was her.

"They may be fools, but while that is not a crime, it is what allows their Government to have such a callous foreign policy. The ones who make these foreign policy decisions know they can get away with it, 'coz the man on the street can't even spell Afghanistan."

"Would you say that those people who died trapped inside the WTC deserved it?"

"Oh, come on, nobody deserves to die from an act of terrorism. But they deserve the Government they got. And therefore, they deserve whatever their Government's actions result in."
"Supposing you elect a good Government. And that Government happens to piss off some psycho somewhere, and he decides to fly a plane into one of your buildings. Do you deserve that? You're saying the Government shouldn't piss psychos off?"
"Do you think that's what's happened? Some random psycho getting pissed off?"
I spent a moment thinking about that. I realized that she hadn't fallen for my ploy of bringing in a hypothetical question that would give me a favorable answer, which I could then use to my advantage. But I wasn't beaten yet, so I decided to use the Rashomon Effect diversion.
"See, I don't know what happened. For that matter, I don't think anybody in this room does either. Maybe Osama thinks the US is responsible for his woes. The US might have a different opinion, based on the same facts."
"You may be right about that, but weren't you the one who said that what America deserves and what Americans deserve may not be the same thing? Now you aren't sure whether or not America deserves it?"
Damn!
Oops!" I grinned sheepishly. Junta around me had satisfied smirks on their faces -- I had run circles around them in many an argument before.
"So, those poor people who were busy making their multimillion dollar deals on the 75th floor when a plane crashed into them, did they deserve it? What do you say?" She was smiling as she asked me.
Sheesh, doesn't this girl give up? "I still don't think they deserve it."
"I don't either. But I hope at least this will cause America to be more careful when it comes to foreign affairs. That way, you won't have to see more of this sort of thing." I nodded sagely; inwardly thankful for the way she gave me a chance to end this with a serious expression and not a sheepish one.
"One sec, lemme get myself a drink." I excused myself, knowing that by the time I returned, the conversation would have shifted to something else. Sure enough, when I got back, a glass of coke in hand, they were discussing Govinda, and whether Coolie No.1 was better than Chinna Mappillai.
Soon after that, we all gathered in front of the TV to watch a movie. It was Kevin Smith's debut feature, a black-and-white movie named Clerks that he'd shot mostly at a convenience store with a handheld camera on a shoestring budget. The production values were pretty shoddy and the direction pretty rudimentary -- I mean, he just got the actors to stand together, pointed the camera at them from a distance and let them talk. But boy, did they talk! The dialogue came thick and fast, went in every which direction, and elevated profanity to an art form. For me, the best part of the movie was when two of the characters were discussing The Return of the Jedi. In it, the new Death Star is said to be under construction when it gets destroyed by the Rebel fighters. So, one of the characters argues, a lot of innocent construction workers on the Death Star got blown up because of a war they weren't part of. Then a third guy joins in with his two cents about how even construction jobs have political underpinnings, that aren't ignored by the people who take them up. When this scene was happening, I looked around me to see where she was sitting, and was pleasantly surprised to see her doing the same thing. We exchanged brief smiles and got back to the movie.
It's strange how something totally inconspicuous about a person catches your eye and becomes a kind of reference point. Lying in bed that night, I was thinking about her and kept getting reminded of a mole above her left eyebrow, for some reason I still can't fathom. I realized I wanted to see that mole more often. Yeah, sure. And maybe a couple of years from now, you'll even find out her name. My inner voice has a way of being sarcastic and uncomfortably accurate at times. I decided to talk to Hema the next day, do a little bit of research. She'll probably rib me like there's no tomorrow, but that was okay -- I'd never admit it to her, but I actually enjoyed being teased by Hema. I woke up late the next day with a splitting headache, and was finishing off my second straight coffee when the phone rang.
"Hi!" It was her. I'm normally not at my best when I've just woken up, especially with a headache, but my mind manages to surprise me sometimes.
"Who is this?" I had recognized her voice immediately, but she didn't know that, did she? This way, I could get her name. A regular Einstein, aren't I?
"Who do you think this is?" What's that line about the best-laid plans of mice and men? "If I'm not mistaken, it's someone who wouldn't mind terribly if some random Arabs flew a plane into the Empire State Building this evening."
Hey, my plans may not always work out, but I do have a quip for every occasion. "Oh, and what would this someone's name be?" I didn't actually say 'damn!', but I think I paused long enough for her to imagine I said it and start laughing. I heard a familiar giggle in the background.
"Could you pass the phone to Hema for a moment? There are a few choice epithet I picked up on the bus last week that I wanna try out on her right now. "More laughter”.
"My name's Sandhya, just in case you were wondering."
"Hi, Sandhya”. Pleased to have made your acquaintance and all that jazz. This was that nefarious creature's idea, wasn't it?"
I swear that girl knows you like the back of her hand. We were discussing you and our argument yesterday and suddenly, she had this brainwave. 'I'm sure he doesn't know your name,' she said. I refused to believe her. Even bet her a coffee at Qwiky's that you knew my name."
"My sympathies. I've learnt never to bet with her. I'll make it up to you sometime. I mean, you lost the bet because of me, right?"
"I'll hold you to that." After a pause, "You could have asked me, you know. That's usually how people find out other people's names."
"Yeah, I know. I'm kinda stupid that way. Anyway, now that I know your name, I'll try to remember it for the next two days at least."
"Thanks, I'm flattered that you would go to so much effort just for me." "Oh, you're welcome. Maybe we could even come to an arrangement -- you tell me your name every couple of days and I'll try to remember it." Basically, both of us were just trying to out-wiseass the other. I couldn't have kept up this sort of thing for too long, but it was nice talking to her.
"Okay da, enough crap. We're going out for dinner. You wanna join us?" It was Hema.
"Sure, what time?” Land up here at six. We'll set out together, what say?" I'll be there by five. I need an hour to slowly strangle you to death."
"C'mon Ravi, there was a coffee at Qwiky's for the taking. I couldn't have passed that up, could I?""Allo, the way I heard it, the coffee bet happened after you brought the issue up. You can play the wide-eyed innocent with me some other time, okay?"
"Okay, okay, land up today evening. Then you can strangle me if you want. Bye." "Bye." I hung up.Hmmm? Sandhya. Nice name. For a fairly embarrassing conversation, it did have its points.
If I had to use one word to describe the relationship Sandhya and I had during that time, it would be: argumentative. Initially, we used to take opposing sides on whatever topic we were discussing at that point and fight it out. Gradually, we started fishing for topics to argue about. Some of them were really outlandish, chosen just for the heck of it. Like when I questioned the stigma attached to prostitution. I mean, a prostitute sells her body just as a software engineer sells his mind. Given that we consider the mind to be more important than the body, shouldn't the software engineer be reviled more than the prostitute? Then there was the time when she questioned the validity of a law against suicide. Ah, that was a good one. Although whatever little you have seen of my track record in these pages might lead you to believe otherwise, the fact is that I won as many arguments as I lost. The only significant difference was that I began to enjoy losing. It's not as magnanimous or clichéd as it sounds. You see, while we got along like a house on fire, I couldn't work up the courage to ask her out on a date using those exact terms. It seemed like crossing a line, and I was scared to do that. No, to be honest, I was scared that she'd know I wanted to cross the line. I think the technical term for such people is congenital moron. So I solved the problem by betting her a coffee or dinner or something like that while we were in the middle of an argument, then losing the argument and paying up. And mind you, there's a difference between just throwing an argument and throwing it skillfully so that the other person doesn’t suspect you've fixed it. Trust me; faking orgasms is a lot easier. Then, just to add a little more realism to the setup, I'd crib a bit about having to pay up in the end. Not too much, just a bit.
Call me the Rube Goldberg of the dating scene, if you will. On the way back from one of those 'treats', which I gave to Raghav and Hema as well this time (smokescreen tactics, my dear Watson), Raghav and I were walking together, some distance behind Hema and Sandhya, and he commented on how he was able to wangle more treats out of me these days due to my arguments with Sandhya. And I replied that that was the object of the exercise. He didn't get it for a moment, then his face lit up with a look of admiration that only a guy could give another. "Brilliant, machi," he said. I grinned back.
Hema didn't react the same way, though, when she met me for lunch the next day.
"You're an idiot, you know that?"
"It's been said before," I commented dryly. "See," she explained, in the sort of tone a kindergarten teacher would use, "if you want to ask her out, the simplest way to do it is to ask her out. Just say something like, 'Would you like to go out for a cup of coffee or something?' That's all it takes. Why go the Wile E. Coyote route? If you want to take the relationship forward, what's the point in trying to do it without her realizing it?" I could see her point, but I was still a bit apprehensive. She sensed that, I think, and decided to let me work myself up to it. Only, I didn't have to.
The next evening, Sandhya told us that she had gotten promoted, and was going to the US for eight months on a project. We congratulated her -- she seemed all excited about going, took the entire gang out to dinner etc. And all the while, I sat there smiling, with a cold feeling in the pit of my stomach. And she didn't help matters any by telling us that she wouldn't mind switching jobs while she was there, if a good offer came along.

I thought long and hard over the next three weeks about having some sort of conversation with her about our relationship. I had a heart-to-heart with Hema and she advised me to go ahead. Eventually, I decided against it: no point in complicating her life just before she left, I told myself. I actually cried a bit when she left. Nobody else knows that. went back to being a slightly moody (or so they say), cynical creature who looked bored most of the time. I think it would've worked as well as it used to, had I not thought of it as a form of refuge from reality. I did spend a considerable amount of time with Hema, though -- it was like she was a link to the guy I was until recently. We rarely talked about Sandhya -- that was something we carefully sidestepped. Looking back, I wonder how she managed to keep quiet about it. It was quite unlike her, but at that point, I didn't dwell upon that singularity.
Absence makes the imagination get bleaker. I conjured up a dozen different scenarios, all fleshed out in considerable detail, about her meeting some guy out there who would sweep her off her feet. The gentle irony being that I played that guy in these fantasies. We kept in touch, of course. A day after she got there, she sent me an excited e-mail about having seen Kevin Smith when she landed at the New Jersey airport. I sent her a long reply talking about a million different things, most of which was the sort of crazy stuff a desperate imagination produces in a three-hour time span. Spent two agonizing days waiting for her reply, practically floated for a couple of hours after I saw her mail in my inbox, then decided to play it cool by taking a couple of days to reply. After an initial exchange of long e-mails, we settled down to sending each other a few paragraphs twice a week or so.
E-mail has the advantage of allowing you to iteratively improve the suavity of your responses before you click on the Send button. The flip side is that it robs you of your impulsiveness, and gives you the opportunity to chicken out before you can send something meaningful. I remember spending half an hour exploring the ramifications of a single line in a long mail I had composed. That line simply said, 'I miss you.' I eventually changed it to: 'I miss our arguments.' Surprisingly, we never argued or discussed anything of substance over e-mail. I don't know why she didn't start anything -- I think I didn't because there was no point in skillfully losing now. We agreed so often and on so many things, it was disgraceful. I think we went out of the way to be nice. And so it went, for a while. I see that phase as the autumn of our relationship. Regret decayed into indifference, a little bit at a time. In a few months, the tree would've been bare. And I was busy chronicling this process in my diary in my more sardonic moods, looking ahead at the eventual fade-out as if I were looking back at it a couple of years from now.
So busy, in fact, that I failed to notice that the eight months were up. Project over. Am coming back next week. Yippee! Can't wait to eat rava dosa at Saravana's again. If I were Popeye, I'd call that e-mail the electronic equivalent of a can of spinach. Strangely, I felt a lot more confident now, ready to take the next step. I guess I had lived with the idea of having lost her for so long that I couldn't see how things could get any worse if I tried. called her up the day after she got back. We made the usual small talk about jet lag and her project, and all the while I was looking for an opening. She provided one soon enough.
"You were right, you know."
"About what?"
"They're just normal people. Somewhat ignorant, but once you get to know them, one begins to think that maybe they didn't deserve it."
It took me a few seconds to realize what she was talking about. "So you see, you actually won that argument."
"No, I lost that argument. It just so happens that I was right. But that doesn't change the fact that I couldn't defend my case."
"You sound like you're happy you lost." "What can I say? I love to lose sometimes." Even if you end up having to treat me to dinner afterwards?"I wasn't quite ready to tell her the truth yet.
"Well, that's an occupational hazard, but I can live with that. Anyway, speaking of dinner, what say we go to Saravana's tonight? You could get back to your beloved rava dosa." In that one second she took to answer my question, I prayed to three hundred and thirty million Gods that she would: a) Say yes. b) Not suggest that we call the others along.
"Sure, why not? Meet you there at six?"
I spent more than an hour getting ready for my first 'date'. Not that I was nervous or anything. I mean, it was just an evening out, like so many others we had shared in the past. The difference was that I had finally gotten over my earlier fears and was ready to restart my relationship with her on a more honest footing, so to speak. Hema was, as usual, Hema, when I told her about it.
"Took you long enough," was her first reaction. But she sounded happy rather than sardonic, and a little surprised as well. I expected the latter -- any sane person would've given up on me by then.
She did add a word of caution, though:"Take it slow and easy, Ravi. I know you're brimming with enthusiasm and all, but don't rush things, okay?""
Sure di. And listen, thanks for being there. It's meant a lot to me.""Okay, okay, don't get gushy on me. Go rehearse all your best lines. I'm sure you've thought up a bunch these last few days."
I got there 15 minutes early. She got there 15 minutes late. By which time my confidence had begun to take on sinusoidal characteristics. Old fears die-hard. Fortunately, it was on the upswing when she entered.
"Sorry I'm late. I'd almost forgotten how bad Mount Road traffic can get." There was something reassuring about the fact that she wanted to be on time.
"Tell me about it. I endure it every morning, six days a week.It's good to see you again.
"Hello, Mole on Left Eyebrow, it's good to see you again.
"You too. It feels good to be back."
"Looks like the place agreed with you. You look healthier. Fairer too, I'd say." I don't think I'd have had the guts to make that last comment ten months earlier.
"Why is it that fairness is considered the epitome of beauty?"
"Wait a minute. Whoever said you were beautiful?"
"Ah, back to business," she grinned. "God, I missed this. You have no idea how difficult it is to make intelligent conversation with the people there. Especially after September 11, they're either openly hostile or overly circumspect. You'd have thought I had a foot-long beard and a turban."
"You left out the AK 47! Anyway, how about the desi crowd?"
"I dunno why, but I found it difficult to relate to them a lot of the time. I think they see India as a country, from a distance. And that perspective colors everything. When they say 'Hindi movies', it's with a different tone of voice compared to when we say 'Hindi movies'. That difference is a bit distracting."
"I think you got too busy checking whether they fit your mental stereotype of an NRI. If you got beyond that, you would probably have made some headway. In a sense, it's no different from the Americans' reaction to you. Openly hostile and overly circumspect are both stereotype-related diseases. I'm sure you would also have seen some people who weren't affected by that sort of thing. Some of the better informed, levelheaded Americans. Your old friends, who saw you as you, rather than as an Indian from back home."
"Hmm? you're right about that? Is it just me, or have you actually gotten wiser?" "I doubt it. Maybe all those cheeseburgers eroded your brain cells, so the relative effect is the same.
"Yeah, right."
"Oh, I luuuuve the way you roll your r's," I teased.
"Aw, c'mon, it's no different from what it used to be," she protested. I remembered how she kidded Sanjay on his newly acquired accent when he got back from the US of A. I guess she was a little self-conscious.
"Okay, so how about we actually order something instead of just standing here talking? Rava dosa, right?""Make that an onion rava. You get the tokens, I'll wait at the counter."
We sat in companionable silence for a while, concentrating on the food. Saravana's is the sort of busy place that makes you want to eat fast. Plus, the food they make practically dissolves in your mouth..
"So, how're your folks? Relieved that their darling daughter is back from across the seven seas?" I asked after a while.
"Yeah, yeah. This morning, my mom started off on her usual spiel about how I was getting old and needed to get hitched right away," she said, an expression of practiced weariness creasing her features. I’d heard this crib before. This particular war of attrition was just about starting at my place as well.
"So what did you tell her?” I told her to go ahead. What the hell, I might as well. Hema seems happy enough, so I guess I can't do too badly. So I told her to crank up the Great TamBram Marriage Machine and see what it churns out. The December season is close, so all those mamis in their pattu podavais will come armed with lists of nalla paiyyans working in software companies in California. Either that, or New Jersey. It's like a girl has only two choices when it comes to marriage: East Coast or West Coast."
I grinned and turned my attention back to my plate. Like I said, this place makes you want to keep eating. Digesting this new tidbit of information took some effort. What the hell do I do now? By the time I got any further with our relationship, I'd be eating venn pongal at Hemamalini Kalyana Mandapam and hoping the sambhar would fill the hole in my heart. Do I go for broke now? What if she's shocked? Is it too early? Do I want to do this? She was polishing off her dosa when she heard me laugh.
"What's so funny?” Well, I thought about you getting married and wondered if I was letting you get away. Wondered if I should go down on one knee and propose right now.
I think if she hadn't been so surprised by that statement, she'd have interrupted me at this point. I continued, "So I thought about what might happen. If you said yes, 20 years from now we'd have ended up laughing about how it all turned out. If you had said no, 20 years from now I'd have laughed about how foolhardy I'd been. Either way I'm gonna laugh then, so why not laugh now?” There, I'd said it.
Now I was scared shitless.
She took her time. "Did you just propose to me?" she asked eventually.
"I'm not sure, actually." To tell you the truth, I wasn't.
"Well, it did sound like a proposal to me. So why do you want to marry me?"I saw a familiar twinkle in her eyes. We were on firmer ground now -- this was going to be another of those verbal duels.
"Hmm?" I temporized, "I like that mole above your left eyebrow, for one thing."She instinctively rolled her eyes upwards for a moment, trying to see what it was that I laid so much store by. "I guess that's a pretty good reason. But I was thinking you might say you're in love with me, or something like that."
"Is that what you want me to say?" She had gotten serious, I realized. You don't throw around the L-word the way you throw around the F-word. "I don't know, Ravi. I like you a lot, I enjoy your company, and spending the rest of my life with you does seem like a good option, but is that enough?"
For a moment, I was tempted to say that it might have been enough for her if I was a California mappillai who came through the mami network. But no, that wasn't how I wanted her to agree. This was a different game, and there was only one way to win.
"I agree, it isn't. You can't marry someone just because you can't think of a reason not to marry him. Love does enter the picture. Do I love you? I think I'm more than halfway there. If you feel the same way, I think that, given time, this could develop into something more substantial. The question is, do you want to give it the time? Do you want to give this a chance?"
"Maybe, just maybe, it might not work out," I continued. I'd been playing the Devil's Advocate for so long that raising counterpoints along with an argument came naturally. "A couple of months from now, we might decide that there isn't enough to go on, and ditch it. That's a risk, I agree. And the loss in that case can be a bit hard to take, for both of us. But knowing that, do you still want to give this a chance? I do, but I'll understand if you don't." I was about to add the usual disclaimer about how we could still remain friends after this, then decided against it. She was intelligent enough to realize that, and decide eventually if our friendship was worth enduring the discomfort that would inevitably follow if she said no. She took a long moment before answering.
"I think I do too, yes," she smiled.
I think in some way, she looked as relieved as I felt at that moment. I smiled back. This was going to work out. I wonder what one would have called our relationship at that point. We were still friends, but also a little more than that, yet not so much more that we could attach the other label to it.
We did 'fall in love', eventually. Like me, she was also more than halfway there, so it didn't take long. I guess by taking that chance that evening, we indicated to each other, and to ourselves, that we wanted to get there. It took some time to get accustomed to the idea, and to open up to ach other in ways that we hadn't thought of earlier. For a while, we argued a little less, but that got back on track soon enough. Especially after she reminded me of our conversation that day and asked me point blank whether or not I thought she was beautiful. The way I handled her attack that day would've made any matador proud. (Of course, matadors don't tell their bulls that their horns look cool after the contest is over.)
Hema got in the last word, as usual. "It's people like you that make matchmaking look so difficult."
Ah well, if we had known that you were trying to set us up -- then again, if we had known?

Secret Unveiled....

2006-04-21T18:37:00.000-07:00

If you happen to see my postings of late one would definitely be able to see that I have been talking of love very often. In all such posts I mentioned things like I don’t want to get into love at this stage and I can’t find people who will be ready to love me or some such silly things. After going through the entire volume of postings I got a strange thought today. It feels like I wish to do all things that I did not want to in a secret hidden corner of my heart but the more visible and dominant part feels the other way and whose voice found its way to you through this blog. Had I been so sick and opposed towards love no such post would have seen the light. So people its high time I start driving these thoughts out of my mind. It is better to be indifferent rather than pronouncing my opinions and feelings on that issue. But there is one more beautiful love story for you all in the very near future and after that we will shift our focus on to some other topic. Also I have repeatedly putting things like I am confused and I am really not feeling any liveliness in my life etc….nopes my thoughts were like that just because I was pretty happy that I was thinking in such a fashion. Being pretty happy and thinking things like that?? U may ask the question. But here it is quite true because there is a new saying from me…It is that you would often think about things very bad only when you are comfortably placed So my life now is full of passion and vigor. I even feel there was some another sub conscious motive behind those posts…May be I wanted to sound more mature and a more learned guy…which in no way I am…I am a monkey and will continue to be so in the future to come….I was a stupid and will continue to be so….So with a feeling that I unveiled a great secret I take leave…only to come back with my most hyped post of the times which will be titled love story…..just wait junta…love story is gonna rock you soon…MT from radio mirchi…mm 00.00 MHz…agala karyakram ka prasaran hoga thik baarah bajkar pandrah minute par…Jai Hind…

Thinking of an Intercast marriage??? Read this...

2006-04-20T22:39:00.000-07:00

This is one of the best forwards I have recieved. This might be very good post to come out of the self imposed hibernation. Self imposed??? yes kind of...was not feeling like blogging at all...Was never in a mood to and to add up to that the past couple of months left me with a great confusion and some grave indifference...As usual there is no special reason...So enjoy ppl...Here i shut my crap up to present you with a guide to Intercast marraiges :o)...ho ho...stop I already see a smirk on the faces of a few ppl...I would like to clarify guys, I have no intention and any immediate necessity to implement this...This is not for me...enuf :o) It is a bit long but worth all the pain and strain...take my promise for this

I do not know who the author is but if he/she happens to see this I would like to ask his/her permission first for using his/her work and Sir/Madam whosoever be it please drop a mail or atleast a comment...Hatsoff to u for the work....I am a big fan yours and would like to c ur other works...Thanks for letting me use it :o)

So it goes like this:

Grandmother was pretending to be lost in prayer, but her prayer-beads were spinning at top speed. That meant she was either excited or upset. Mother
put the receiver down. "Some American girl in his office, she's coming to stay with us for a week." She sounded as if she had a deep foreboding. Father had no such doubt. He knew the worst was to come. He had been matching horoscopes for a year, but my brother Vivek had found a million excuses for not being able to visit India, call any of the chosen Iyer girls, or in any other way advance father's cause. Father always wore four parallel lines of sacred ash on his forehead. Now there were eight, so deep were the furrows of worry on his forehead. I sat in a corner, supposedly lost in a book, but furiously text-messaging my brother with a vivid description of the scene before me. A few days later I stood outside the airport with father. He tried not to look directly at any American woman going past, and held up the card reading "Barbara". Finally a large woman stepped out, waved wildly and shouted "Hiiii! Mr. Aayyyezh, how ARE you?" Everyone turned and looked at us. Father shrank visibly before my eyes. Barbara took three long steps and covered father in a tight embrace.Father's jiggling out of it was too funny to watch. I could hear him whispering "Shiva Shiva!”
She shouted "you must be Vijaantee?" "Yes, Vyjayanthi" I said with a smile. I imagined little half-Indian children calling me "Vijaantee aunty!"
Suddenly, my colorless existence in Madurai had perked up. For at least the next one week, life promised to be quite exciting.

Soon we were eating lunch at home. Barbara had changed into an even shorter skirt. The low neckline of her blouse was just in line with father's eyes.

He was glaring at mother as if she had conjured up Barbara just to torture him. Barbara was asking "You only have vegetarian food? Always??" as if the idea was shocking to her. "You know what really goes well with Indian food, especially chicken? Indian beer!" she said with a pleasant smile, seemingly oblivious to the apoplexy of the gentleman in front of her, or the choking sounds coming from mother. I had to quickly duck under the table to hide my giggles.

Everyone tried to get the facts without asking the one question on all our minds: What was the exact nature of the relationship between Vivek and Barbara? She brought out a laptop computer. "I have some pictures of Vivek" she said. All of us crowded around her. The first picture was quite innocuous. Vivek was wearing shorts, and standing alone on the beach. In the next photo, he had Barbara draped all over him. She was wearing a skimpy bikini and leaning across, with her hand lovingly circling his neck.
Father got up, and flicked the towel off his shoulder. It was a gesture we in the family had learned to fear. He literally ran to the door and went out.
Barbara said "It must be hard for Mr. Aayyezh. He must be missing his son." We didn't have the heart to tell her that if said son had been within reach, father would have lovingly wrung his neck.
My parents and grandmother apparently had reached an unspoken agreement. They would deal with Vivek later. Right now Barbara was a foreigner, a lone woman, and needed to be treated as an honored guest. It must be said that Barbara didn't make that one bit easy. Soon mother wore a perpetual frown.
Father looked as though he could use some of that famous Indian beer.

Vivek had said he would be in a conference in Guatemala all week, and would be off both phone and email. But Barbara had long lovey-dovey conversations with two other men, one man named Steve and another named Keith. The rest of us strained to hear every interesting word. "I miss you!" she said to both.
She also kept talking with us about Vivek, and about the places they'd visited together. She had pictures to prove it, too. It was all very confusing.

This was the best play I'd watched in a long time. It was even better than the day my cousin ran away with a Telugu Christian girl. My aunt had come howling through the door, though I noticed that she made it to the plushest sofa before falling in a faint. Father said that if it had been his child, the door would have been forever shut in his face.
Aunt promptly revived and said "You'll know when it is your child!" How my aunt would rejoice if she knew of Barbara!
On day five of her visit, the family awoke to the awful sound of Barbara's retching. The bathroom door was shut, the water was running, but far louder was the sound of Barbara crying and throwing up at the same time. Mother and grandmother exchanged ominous glances. Barbara came out, and her face was red. "I don't know why", she said, "I feel queasy in the mornings now." If she had seen as many Indian movies as I'd seen, she'd know why. Mother was standing as if turned to tone. Was she supposed to react with the compassion reserved for pregnant women? With the criticism reserved for pregnant unmarried women? With the fear reserved for pregnant unmarried foreign women who could embroil one's son in a paternity suit? Mother, who navigated familiar, flows of married life with the skill of a champion oarsman, now seemed completely taken off her moorings.

She seemed to hope that if she didn't react it might all disappear like a bad dream.

I made a mental note to not leave home at all for the next week. Whatever my parents would say to Vivek when they finally got a-hold of him would be too interesting to miss. But they never got a chance.

The day Barbara was to leave, we got a terse email from Vivek. "Sorry, still stuck in Guatemala. Just wanted to mention, another friend of mine,
Sameera Sheikh needs a place to stay. She'll fly in from Hyderabad tomorrow at 10am. Sorry for the trouble."

So there we were, father and I, with a board saying "Sameera". At last a pretty young woman in salwar-khameez saw the board, gave the smallest of smiles, and walked quietly towards us. When she did 'Namaste' to father, I thought I saw his eyes mist up. She took my hand in the friendliest way and said "Hello, Vyjayanthi, I've heard so much about you." I fell in love with her. In the car father was unusually friendly. She and Vivek had been in the same group of friends in Ohio University. She now worked as a Child Psychologist.

She didn't seem to be too bad at family psychology either. She took out a shawl for grandmother, a saree for mother and Hyderabadi bangles for me.
"Just some small things. I have to meet a professor at Madurai University, and it's so nice of you to let me stay" she said.Everyone cheered up.
Even grandmother smiled. At lunch she said "This is so nice. When I make sambar, it comes out like chole, and my chole tastes just like sambar". Mother was
smiling. "Oh just watch for 2 days, you'll pick it up." Grandmother had never allowed a muslim to enter the kitchen. But mother seemed to have taken charge, and decided she would bring in who ever she felt was worthy. Sameera circumspectly stayed out of the puja room, but on the third day,I was stunned to see father inviting her in and telling her which idols had come to him from his father. "God is one" he said.

Sameera nodded sagely.
By the fifth day, I could see the thought forming in the family's collective brains. If this fellow had to choose his own bride, why couldn't it be someone like Sameera? On the sixth day, when Vivek called from the airport saying he had cut short his Gautemala trip and was on his way home, all had a million things to discuss with him. He arrived by taxi at a time when Sameera had gone to the University.

"So, how was Barbara's visit?" he asked blithely. "How do you know her?" mother asked sternly. "She's my secretary" he said. "She works very hard, and she'll do anything to help." He turned and winked at me.

Oh, I got the plot now! By the time Sameera returned home that evening, it was almost as if her joining the family was the elders' idea. "Don't worry about anything", they said, "we'll talk with your parents."

On the wedding day a huge bouquet arrived from Barbara.
"Flight to India - $1500.
Indian kurta - $5.
Emetic to throw up - $1.
The look on your parents' faces - priceless" it said.

:)

My Nerdishness

2006-03-23T02:34:00.000-08:00

Some news and some thoughts

2006-02-28T05:09:00.000-08:00

There are a few good things I would like to share here. One of my best friends who was in desperate need of a job got placed with Satyam a few days back. Hey Mr.D I am very happy for you buddy. All the best. Many of my mates from college are getting placed these days. One more got placed in MacAfee with a good package. Congrats Mr.M. One more of my friends and a colleague of mine who was trying to shift places got transferred to Hyderabad and got placed in Oracle Apps one of the most happening IBU’s. Satyam went on a job offer spree to take 31 @ a single go this time from my college. This is the second time they have come. They are also returning for placements for the 2006 pass outs for the second time. My college is getting more and more lucrative with the number of companies that are coming in for campus placements is growing day by day.

What would I like to do with my life and where do I see myself in the days or may be years to come. I have many contradictory versions for the same. One moment I want to earn a lot and resign to a peaceful life afterwards and the very next moment I want to get into a business and end up successful which I believe I can be at any given point of time provided I really decide to be one. One moment I like to do an MBA and come back and the other I have a zero interest in the thought. I am becoming more tentative with age. Heard age brings in maturity but seems that it is not so in my case. Whatever, I will definitely not get into love and marriage at this point. This is the latest decision I have taken strongly. I don’t want to ruin a person’s life just because she found me worthy enough to live with for the rest of her life. I have become indifferent to many things and especially to my life.

A Blabber on LOVE….

2006-02-13T04:36:00.000-08:00

As promised am back with my blabber on love. LOVE what to blog and what not to? Let me make it clear I am in no way experienced about the topic I am going to blabber about in the first place. You may ask then why go on to blabber? Had a few things to rant about and I have put in enough of homework. On a lighter note this post is in accordance with the D-Day in lives of all people who are in love and will always remain to be so all around the globe. Just thought why not take a crack at this. As to start with I would like to do a post mortem on why am I not successful in finding a person with whom I can claim to be in love with. Hey just don’t start about going on asking me about my parents family and friends. Here I am not going to talk about that. I need to reason with my still single status. I am a good friend material for all the girls who I happen to know at an intimate level but never a boy friend material. There may be many reasons for that but the following are all I could figure out.
1. My inability to take a chat forward without no good reason for doing so.
2. My inability to chat on messenger at length. Here I fail miserably because I have seen guys chatting hours together with nothing much just using emoticons.
3. My lack of tact in communicating things effectively if the person I need to correspond is of fairer sex.
4. My inability to understand the daily soaps. You might wonder how this can affect a guys being single…Let me explain when I happen to watch one of these daily soaps I tend to laugh out loud instead of sympathizing with the onscreen characters’. Here people mark me as a stone hearted bastard.
5. My inability to say things the sugar coated way. Result – Me being accused of being unromantic, emotionless what else not a bastard in short again.
6. My dislike towards all these teenage love sagas and my inclination towards fast and furious kind of movies and not to mention RGV kind of mafia movies. Don’t get on to conclude I don’t like all the movies with love as content. Titanic stands top in the list of my all time favorites.
7. Hey not to forget people never take me seriously. If I go and propose a lady from my set of friends they tend to say did you not find anyone from the morning kind of dialogues’ or just give me a friendly hit on the shoulder. They tend to believe that I can never love any one.
8. My love for sports and pace and also the way I love machines. Hey I cannot think of anything more. Aren’t these bad habits not enough for me being discarded in their hunt for a boy friend?? Come on more than enough who am I kidding.
But there are times I feel bad on not having a girl friend to share things and pamper me a bit. But I never had any complaints in this regard. Am happy to be single and happy still. But to confess I really feel bad a few times when I see guys who are worth shit go on to have beautiful girl friends. Envious don’t I sound??

Yeah and one more thing I would really like to talk about in length is VALENTINES DAY. Feb the 14th people all around the globe tend to celebrate this with full vigor. I did quite a bit research on this for quite sometime and got a small collection of facts and trivia about this day. The origin in itself has a few versions to it. Also why the day got to be celebrated as the day of love. Here are a variety of stories and legends…Source…Google my best friend.
1. Valentine was a Roman priest during the time of Claudius around AD269, who was martyred, then buried on the Flamian Way. He helped Christians during a time of persecution, was caught, put in jail, became a Christian, then was clubbed to death for this on February 14th, 269. While in prison, legend has it that he sent messages to friends saying "Remember your Valentine" and "I love you".
2. In another story, it is said that Valentine was a priest that secretly married couples, defying the Emperor Claudius who had temporary forbid marriages.
3. Valentine was jailed for refusing to worship pagan gods. Making friends with the Jailer's daughter, he is said to have cured her through prayer, and on the date of his execution (Feb. 14th), is said to have written her a note signed "Your Valentine".
4. Or this 4th story is that Valentine was a bishop of Terni martyred in Rome.
The14th of February has been set apart as the special day to remember St. Valentine. This was one day before the Roman Feast of Lupercalia, a pagan love festival. In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius changed Lupercalia from the 15th to the 14th to try and stop the pagan festival. The church realized that there was nothing wrong with celebrating love, only the pagan elements were wrong. And so valentine went on to become a patron of love. Here are a few statistics trivia
More fresh-cut flowers are purchased for Valentine's Day than for any other holiday. Some other statistics:
Many Men Want Valentine's Flowers 61 percent of all men say they would like to receive flowers for Valentine's Day from a woman.
No Matter What Their Age Percent who want Valentine's Day flowers, by age:
• 79% of men 18-24 years old
• 67% of men 25-34 years old
• 61% of men 35-49 years old
• 55% of men 50-64 years old
• 31% of men over 65
But Fewer Men Get Their Wish 40% of men say they have ever received Valentine's flowers from a woman. Mostly Men Buy Valentine's Day Flowers 73% of people who buy flowers for Valentine's Day are men, while only 27 percent are women
Men and Women Buy Valentine Flowers for Different Recipients79% of men's Valentine's Day flower purchases are for wives or significant others. Women's lists are more varied. Men: 79% for Wife/significant other
A few suggestions for the singles I found on the net comes next.
1. De-stress. It's a personal choice. Celebrate it or ignore it, it's up to you. 2. Expect the best, but remain realistic. If your love or partner forgets all other special days, it does not mean they are a dead loss if they don't celebrate this one. 3. If no one sends you a card or gives you a gift, celebrate love, life and yourself by giving yourself something special. 4. If you can't find that special card that expresses all that you're longing to say, make one yourself, straight from the heart. It could be your best yet.5. Forget calories. When your love surprises you with a box of fattening goodies, smile, enjoy them and pass them around.6. Be bold, send a card to someone you've admired from afar. Just do it. 7. If you're alone, celebrate in style and ask yourself: Do I want or need more love in my life? If the answer is yes, start making the changes now to make it happen. If the answer is no, feel blessed and celebrate the wonder of life, love and you. 8. Valentine's Day does not have to be expensive. Simple gifts, heartfelt words, time spent together, that's what's really important.9. Light up someone's life, send a card to a person you know won't get anything. Make them smile and don't tell them it was you. 10. Write on a piece of paper the 10 top reasons why your Valentine is to you the greatest love of all, then present it to them in style.
About Valentines Day….on HALLMARK’s site
FAST FACTS
• With approximately 180 million cards exchanged industry-wide (not including packaged kids’ valentines for classroom exchanges), Valentine’s Day is the second largest holiday for giving greeting cards.
• Research reveals that more than half of the U.S. population celebrates Valentine’s Day by purchasing a greeting card.
• Romantic Valentine’s Day is a top card-buying occasion for men.
• The top recipients of valentines are: Husband, Wife, Son, Daughter, Grandchild, Friends and Parents. Women receive half of all valentines.
• Last-minute shopping is the norm for this holiday with nearly 50 percent of all Valentine’s Day cards purchased in the six days prior to Valentine’s Day.
• About 46 percent of all Valentine’s Day cards are hand-delivered, often with gifts.
• Parents account for approximately 40 percent of all Valentine card purchases. Hallmarks excerpts end here….
The night is black and the forest has no end;
a million people thread it in a million ways.
We have trysts to keep in the darkness, but where
or with whom -- of that we are unaware.
But we have this faith -- that a lifetime's bliss
will appear any minute, with a smile upon its lips.
Scents, touches, sounds, snatches of songs
brush us, pass us, give us delightful shocks.
Then peradventure there's a flash of lightning:
whomever I see that instant I fall in love with.
I call that person and cry: 'This life is blest!
For your sake such miles have I traversed!'
All those others who came close and moved off
in the darkness -- I don't know if they exist or not.
-- Rabrindranath Tagore

This sums up of what all love is in a most beautiful way. Love is by far the most complicated feeling. Here I would also like to mention something that I had read a few days ago in the newspaper stating love as pure chemistry. Chemistry in what way??? Researchers state that the feeling of love is caused due to release of few things like adrenalin etc. So everything sums up to chemistry…What a find. But even this chemistry does wonders. I have seen it making people forego family, people holding on through hardships that none could walk through in normal conditions. Just the mention of it alone does bring a zillion volt smile as a flash on to a few faces. There have been a few instances history offers us in support of this context. But on a more personal level I really feel this marking out a day for love, The valentines day nothing but a brilliant business strategy from one of the sharpest marketing minds. All this hype and hoopla are just a result of pure marketing strategy by the greeting cards and gifts manufacturing companies. And also the youth of today is being misled by all these. I really doubt the original intentions of a guy or girl who can leave parents with whom you have been for years together for a somebody. I sincerely feel that they might leave the other person someday in future for something else. I definitely know for sure now that I am prone to brickbats from many people all around the world who disagree thoroughly on my stand on this. But ok I am open to all those. Please pour in all your comments. Eagerly waiting for them…Now with this my post comes to an end and also I would post a beautiful story tomorrow. Until then Advance Valentines day wishes to one and all

Tentative Life

2006-02-09T19:45:00.000-08:00

I am smitten by one very strange thought today. This struck me when I was going through the archives of some blog. The entry was for 29th September 2004. September 29th happens to be the birthday of one of my very thickest friends and on the mentioned date we were returning from a tour and had a blast in the bus we were traveling back home. The thought stirs up something in me in such a way that I can’t express what it really feels like. I suddenly was left thinking how many people would have done how many things and how many were really worried at the same moment I was enjoying thoroughly and how many were actually dying and taking birth right at the moment I was literally rocking all around. What amount do we contribute to the total life on mother earth??? What stirred up these thoughts in me is a blog entry…It was an entry written in reminiscence about a failed marriage. Any ways I am totally lost at this moment. Can anybody explain the phenomenon of life to me??

Photo Source :- Personal collection of Srikanth Bussireddy.
It feels like life is going to haunt me all throughout just as the shadow. Is there a way we can escape from the hands of life?? I don't suppose there is. But is there a necessity to run from life?? I am seriously confused and am unable to drive these thoughts away. Never mind this is just one of the passing clouds. Don't give a shit to what i am balbbering right now. This was more to vent out my feelings and nothing else. Would promise to be my own laughing self before i post the next one. Do wait for my post for a discussion on love. Coming soon...Until then just take care.

Rang De Basanti & More...

2006-02-07T22:16:00.000-08:00

It has been almost a fortnight since I posted something new. I am consistently running out on what to blog. Seems that my skills to blabber about anything and everything are taking a dip continuously. Why not blabber on all the movies I happened to watch these days. The first one I intend to speak about is Rang De Basanti. It is a movie that never preaches but reaches. Aamirkhan playing DJ proved yet again as to why he is one of the best. He portrays the character of a 25-30 year old student who lacks the confidence and verve to go and face the world and stays back in the campus long after his education comes to an end. Madhavan plays a pilot and the catalyst to a metamorphosis that takes place in DJ and Co. The Co has been effectively portrayed by Siddarth, Sharman joshi & Kunal Kapoor.
Soha Ali Khan surprised me with her performance quite a bit. Even she can emote a bit mebbe sharmila has passed on her genes. The other major character is played out by Alice Patten hmm. One more phirangi actress to add to Aamir’s stable of actresses. The curtain raises with Alice’s project of carving out a documentary based on her granddad’s dairy is scraped owing to financial credibility of the project. Sue(Alice) is hell bent on etching out a documentary on her jailor granddad’s dairy who has had the opportunity of seeing India’s freedom struggle from close quarters. Thus she comes to India to work on with Soha who is a friend. Here we get to meet DJ and gang. I am amazed at how racy the narration is and the way the story unfolds itself in a fun coated way. To cut the story short Sue finds DJ and Co to be appropriate for the roles of freedom fighters, which instantly evokes laughter and mocking from the gang. The best part of the movie is I could identify myself at times. The movie flows on with Atul Kulkarni being introduced as a saffronised young student leader and he is selected to play ram prasad bismil. So Aamir is Aazad, Siddarth is Bhagat singh, Sharman is rajguru, and Kunal gets to play Ashfaqullah khan. Here we need to get a passing mention of how even a director as slick and modern as Rakyesh falters by trying to showcase hindu muslim bhai bhai thing. Barring a few hiccups here and there the movie moves on leaving you laughing or smiling most of times. As the story progresses we get to look at the change of insights of the guys portraying the charecters and a slow incarnation of the characters they portray into DJ and gang. Rahman’s BG score is mellifluous and trendy at the same time and blends itself with the soul of the story. It was great watching rahman at his best again. The songs are shot in an engrossing fashion and never separate themselves from the main story line. Now comes the implementation part of all the learning the characters had had all these days. Madhavan a pilot with the air force dies in a crash which he takes in bravely after making sure he takes the plane out of all the habited areas and throwing his life in danger. But the home minister claims this to be a fault on the pilot’s part rather than accepting the fact that the planes are made of inferior parts. This is nexus of political infamy and the home minister has a part in the scandal. So, now the gangs start to talk the language of the characters they play and decide to kill the home minister. They kill the minister, but the entire principle behind the killing goes in vain. So they decide to go on air telling the world of their intentions. Finally the gang gets to capture AIR and goes on air. In the process they all get killed but not once would you feel the ending to be so abrupt, even when all the protagonists get killed. Instead you get out of the theatre a little uneasy owing to the thought process the film stirs in you. As usual Aamir pours in life to DJ. Every character is carved in an efficient fashion. So the film finally ends, but not without making you think about the amends that need to be made on your part. On the whole I would recommend the movie to any one who are game to see a good movie.
The other movies I happened to watch are all telugu movies. Of all of them only happy ***ing Allu Arjun is worth watching once. Rerst---Devadasu ***ing Ram & Ileana (Ileana was amazing) --- Lakshmi **ing Venkatesh and Co are worth skipping. I advice to keep of the theatre and any other thought at your own risk.

My trip to chennai and more

2006-01-23T22:03:00.000-08:00

My trip to chennai was good and fruitful. I enjoyed the sense of adventure in a love marraige. M & N are now man and wife by law. They have got themselves a beautiful place to start their life. Here is wishing you a happy married life buddies.

I felt happy when somebody posted comments on my blog. Though that someone is really a colleague I really felt happy. Thanks Raghu for posting your comments.

Am eagerly waiting to catch a few movies this weekend. Hey this weekend starts from thursday. We have holidays on four consecutive days for the first time since i joined. So am planning to go to my parents place for a couple of days. Will definitely watch Rang de Basanti and Happy. Rest will have to wait.

What kind of ----- am I?

2006-01-23T21:49:00.000-08:00

These were a few tests i found out trying out a link from one other blog. Try taking them. I dont understand how exactly do these tests work and what kind of credibility they hold. I am not sure whether the results are correct.

Your Personality Profile

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant.
Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle.
You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs.

For you, comfort and calm are very important.
You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection.
You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.

You give and take equally in relationships.

You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

Your Birthdate: April 25

You excel at anything difficult or high tech.
In other words, you're a total (brilliant) geek.
It's difficult for you to find people worth spending time with.
Which is probably why you'll take over the world with your evil robots!

Your strength: Your unfailing logic

Your weakness: Loving machines more than people

Your power color: Tan

Your power symbol: Pi

Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Should everything have a title???

2006-01-17T20:05:00.000-08:00

I am not sure what exactly is the content of this post. So call it whatever you want. There are a few things that i would like to pen down( err..type down here)

1. The first and foremost thing is that one of my very old, close, Thick...(sorry cant think of any more adjectives) Mr.N is getting hooked to another friend of mine Ms.M this friday. I am very happy for them and also I am happy they have invited me for the event. So am taking a leave to join them on their D-Day. All da Best and congrats M & N

2. Another one of my friends Mr.S who is currently with TCS as a project trainee is most likely to be offered an employment with the same firm. Congrats DUDE good going keep it up. I am happy for you too.

3. Last in this set is I am happy for myself. I got my leave approved. Bingo..:o) and am going to meet many of my friends in chennai. Hey chennai wait for us...We are coming to rock...

N and S are friends from my school and the thing goes like N and me are from same school, College(HSC), College(Engg) and S has his PG in Engg from our coll. So the bond goes deep down. Forgot to mention M is also from our College.

One more thing I wanted to share rather ask all of you was about the thoughts I brood over at times.

1.Is life in all it's glory and prime meant for slogging our time's @ office for some damn foreign client?
2.What is life all about?
3.Is everything and everyone I see a part of somebody else's dream. This thought used to haunt me more in my childhood. I used to wish that this should be a dream of somebody else whenever something bad happened to me or my people.
4.This is a question i want to ask my friends in love. What does it feel like being in love? What is love? Are there any symptoms of love? Friends waiting for your answers.

Many more questions to come...
There are a few more words of caution from me. I write a few lines which i call poems and songs. So be prepared to face all kinds of nonsense from me. And will not be able to blog over the weekend owing to my chennai plans. Stay tuned until my next post...

Backwaters @ IIM Khozikode

2006-01-17T01:10:00.000-08:00

This is a mail I got today. Interested pls take the plunge. Todays event is Picto mania. Gr8 to take.
All da best guys :o)

Online games start today (16th) at 10PM. There will be one game each day till 19th. Students as well as corporates can participate. Apart from this, Biz quiz is on 22nd Jan (at IIMK) which is open for corporates. Pls pass on this info to as many people as u can in your organization as well as other organizations.

Pls visit the site
www.iimkbackwaters.com
for registration and further info.

Am Here to stay for long

2006-01-16T20:39:00.000-08:00

This happens to be my first post here. Tried my hand at blogging @ a different location, the yahoo 360. Started off nicely but could not retain the tempo for long( to be precise after 3 posts). Had quite a few wrong notions about blogging and wish to grow out of them from now on. To start this off I find nothing that I would really like to write about. So, will start off with telling all of you quite a few things about myself.

I am a confused software professional born and brought up in AndhraPradesh. Am currently working for one of the biggest firms in IT. I am a loner of sorts with alarming rates of mood swings. But on the off-set I am a..? Am confused here again...mebbe I am a cool guy of kinds and mebbe not. I have a few strong beliefs regarding a few things and regarding many I am not sure as to what my stand is. As the name of my blog suggests I am one with the most tentative mind. I am interested in a hell lot of things. First and foremost is reading. Not only books anything and everything I can lay my hands on. Second being music and even in this I have a slightly partial approach to the lyrics. Many things interest me all the time but I can't promise that I can retain my interest in that for long. But being a Taurean I have an exemplary knack of hanging into the thing that I really fix my mind on. I am a stubborn, possessive guy of kinds. My friends term me as a down to earth and an emotionless guy. They add that they are always prepared to expect the unexpected from me. Thanks to my moods, I am still a puzzle to them :o)

What can you expect from my blog???
Nothing. As I told you before you can expect anything under the sun from me depending on what I would like to vent out at that particular point of time. Try not to expect much when you are here :o) Lest you are in for a surprise :o)

This is a pretty long post to be termed as a starter. Hey it still hasnt reached its end. This post is sort of incomplete without a note of thanks to all the ppl whoose blogs really rekindled my interest to start a blog of my own. I came across quite a few blogs that are quite upto my liking. Thank you all out there. Stay tuned...